Just when I thought I was poised to win my War on Recycling, we received a letter (above) from our apartment management staff on Friday warning us to shape up or pay out. Apparently, we’re not the only ones in the complex who’ve gone rogue on the recycling front.
Truth is, I’d been a good little recycler the past couple weeks after having felt some guilt from my prior anti-recycling post. I was hoping it was enough to get bottles and cans in their proper bins, but unfortunately, I had discarded them while still in plastic garbage bags.
I know — what a jerk, right?
I’ve gone over this warning nearly 62 times and I’m still completely miffed by these instructions:
“Glass bottles and jars only go into the blue receptacles. NO OTHER MATERIALS go into these blue bins. GLASS ONLY. Also, please place the bottles into the bins; do not leave them in boxes or bags in front of the bins. If you leave items outside of the bins, you will be charged a $50 non-compliance fee.”
I struggled in high school algebra and this nonsense read to me a little like:
“A train is leaving from Albuquerque going east at 65 miles per hour while another train is leaving Fort Worth an hour later going west at 54 miles per hour. The second train is made of recycled steel and runs on coal, thus minimizing it’s carbon footprint. At what point will these two trains collide, who’s fault will it be and how will it get Al Gore elected president?”
I always get stewed over fines. Fines always come in the form of a rounded-off number, as if $48.33 just wouldn’t get the point across, but $50 — that’ll teach’em!
Fines just seem so arbitrary.
In the NFL, a player can be fined something like $2,500 for wearing the wrong pair of socks. That’s right, a $2 pair of socks that doesn’t conform with league dress code can mean a fine worth 125,000 percent of the socks’ original value. That seems a little disproportionate. Then again, I’m sensitive about socks and you can’t just have hooligans running post routes with argyle socks on.
Maybe it’s more telling I would notice the $50 threat before realizing the word “please” is used six times in this warning. In all likelihood, that should be enough to yield results. But “please” is just a passive-aggressive way of saying, “I’m counting on you to do this, and I’m going to be real irked if you don’t.”
My War on Recycling rages on, folks. Unfortunately, it looks like it just became more costly.
What’s the biggest/dumbest fine you’ve ever received?