My Annual Halloween Dilemma – What to Wear

You are not dreaming. This Mike "The Situation" costume is real and extremely popular.

Put your coffee down. Swallow that scone. Guess how much the Halloween costume industry is worth.

$3.5 billion! You could nearly balance the Minnesota state budget with that! Minnesotans — we need to monopolize the Halloween costume industry. Now.

I tend to get pretty cheap when it comes to Halloween. I’m not about to spend good money on something I’ll relegate to the deepest corner of my closet after one wear. That’s horse pucky. Not to mention I’m the least clever costume-chooser ever. I completely lack the ability to wear something clever, funny or timely. If I think of something that meets those three ever-important criterion, I talk myself out of it by thinking everyone else will wear it.

Take this year. The most obvious costumes include: Lady Gaga, Mike “The Situation” (or any other Jersey Shore cast member), Don/Betty Draper, Chilean miner, raging air steward guy and Brett Favre in a robe and Crocs with cell phone in hand. All of those are funny and great — OK, the Chilean miner might be too soon — but I’m simply unwilling to spend $40 to get a few chuckles.

My biggest fear is choosing something I feel is clever that leaves everyone else completely miffed. For instance, I’d love to dress as a witch and go as Christine O’Donnell, but I worry most of my friends wouldn’t be familiar with the Delaware Republican running for U.S. Senate. There’s a better chance they’d recognize me as a weird zombie kid that likes turtles:

Let’s have a little fun with this. Starting today and running through tomorrow, I want your suggestion for a cheap, yet funny Halloween costume. (Post it in the comments section below.) Over the weekend, we’ll have a poll to decide what I’m wearing for Halloween.

What’s in it for you?

I’m giving away two books to whomever makes the winning suggestion. The only requirement is you must Like The Miller Times on Facebook. You can win these classy titles, published by Sourcebooks Inc.:

People of Walmart – Shop & Awe
by Adam Kipple, Andrew Kipple and Luke Wherry

“From the wildly popular website PeopleofWalmart.com, this photo collection of Americans in their natural shopping habitat (70 percent of which is brand new and never before included on the website) presents people of all shapes and sizes wearing and doing everything imaginable in full view of their fellow shopping public. Plus, for the first time brand-new fan-submitted stories offer the most random experiences you can imagine!”



Kama Pootra – 52 Mind-Blowing Ways to Poop
by Daniel Cole Young

“The only known translation of an ancient manual instructing readers in the art of enlightened bathroom experience, the Kama Pootra offers a thrilling rediscovery of the tiled path to porcelain nirvana. Willing seekers will find fifty-two progressive positions designed to maximize how you do number two. Every time the bathroom door closes, a new experience awaits.”


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2 thoughts on “My Annual Halloween Dilemma – What to Wear

  1. Last year we did the ‘Mac’ and ‘PC’ thing. Just get a t-shirt and put ‘Mac’ on it and have someone else put ‘PC’. It gets confusing if you split up though.

  2. Options:

    1) Grow a beard, buy a $10 afro wig, grab a few paint brushes and go as Bob Ross.

    2) Grow a mustache, throw on any Twins jersey and go as Carl Pavano.

    3) Grow a beard, buy a bottle of Oxi Clean and go as Billy Mays (I was going to do this last year, but he died about a couple months before so I thought it was in bad taste…I think you’re good to go now).

    My Halloween costumes usually require some sort of facial hair invovled…this year I’ll be going as Brian Wilson…fear the beard.

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