If Plow Drivers Knew Geometry, We Wouldn’t Have This Problem

As the East Coast endures an adorable blizzard compared to what we’ve seen this winter, I’m challenging my fellow Twin Citizens to rise up and fight back against the plow terrorists — al-Plowda, if you will.

We live on a quiet corner in Northeast Minneapolis, and on that corner, you will find a pile of snow that’s up to my chest and extends nearly eight feet. This snow bank was made possible by the bozos who plow our streets.

I can get past a little snow at the end of my driveway so long as it means my street’s clear and I can get to work. But I’m responsible for the clearing of Mount Snowmore all because some plow driver failed high school geometry. Sweet use of tax dollars.

Bitter? Of course I’m bitter. We’re past our sixth snow emergency in the snowiest December on record in Minneapolis, and that’s not even counting the walloping we’re supposed to get at the end of the week. Guess where that snow is going to end up.

Holy herniated disc.

I want a snow laser. I want a weapon which, when fired at snow, simply obliterates it. I want to wipe the molecules from the face of Earth. Matter, gone.

I’ve got a four-day work week which runs into a four-day weekend. Bless it. Time to shovel without totally compromising a weekend.

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