My New Year’s Resolution — Zipping

Yesterday, I had my combination lock cut from my gym locker when, after several attempts, I realized it’d been so long since I’d last worked out, I’d forgotten the combination.

So yes, weight loss is among my New Year’s resolutions, which I gladly make every year. This blog was Resolution No. 1 last year, and I’ve been at it (almost) every weekday for the past year. But blogging is nothing compared to this year’s top priority — remembering to zip.

You read that correctly. Over the past year or so, I’ve developed a terrible habit of forgetting to zip my fly. This happens in the morning, when I put my pants on. It happens after using the restroom. Sometimes, I swear it happens after I’ve already corrected the issue. My girlfriend catches my fly down just about every day. She’s concerned my forgetfulness might lead to a lawsuit, but I don’t wear boxers, so I’m good there.

It’s to the point where I’m no longer embarrassed when I catch my fly down. I’ve admitted my problem at work and invited my co-workers to let me know what’s up, er, down whenever they notice. I’ve even picked up a number of stealthy moves that allow me to zip my pants in public without breaking stride. It’s all about creating a distraction — cover a sneeze with one hand, zip with the other. Done.

In 2011, I’m taking accountability for my zipper issues. Short of seeing a hypnotist, I’m willing to do anything, even if it means wearing button-up jeans or more sweatpants. Friends shouldn’t have to tell friends, “Hey, your fly is down and I’d much rather you keep everything properly contained.” Co-workers shouldn’t have to say, “Let’s have Miller sit this client meeting out. We can’t lose the account because he failed potty training.”

Curious — what are your New Year’s resolutions?

One thought on “My New Year’s Resolution — Zipping

  1. We did Christmas mass there in downtown Minneapolis at St. Olaf. Beautiful service, and we were all together. I was unaware of it, but my zipper was down during the service. Oops!

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